I’ve finally felt inspired enough to write today. Yay! Such a good feeling that is.
I’ve been away for a while. This can partly be blamed on the bout of bronchitis I contracted a little over a week ago. Though I still am coughing and have that oh-so-delightful taste of sickness in my mouth, I’m well enough to blog again. So I take that as a positive sign.
Still, I’ve been so anxious and restless all the while. I think that getting ill has only served to exacerbate this restlessness – and like my cough and phlegm (pretty!), it is still not out of my system.
How do you deal with an impending event that you’ve put much hope into, while still recognizing that the outcome is completely out of your control?
Patience doesn’t come easily to most people. That is why it is a virtue. I don’t consider myself impatient generally; but when it comes to a matter that has the possibility of changing a great deal – and not all this change will be pleasant – being patient becomes increasingly trying for me. I am a woman of routine. The Indecisive Planner, I refer to myself as. Though I’ve come to embrace change as a fact of life, I try to prepare for it as much as possible (usually more mentally than physically, because I’m a fraidy cat).
I was hoping I would have an answer by last Friday. But then when I didn’t get anything yesterday, I started to get visibly agitated.
Refreshing my inbox every 5 seconds, however, isn’t going to get me any closer to where I want to be. The answer I am seeking could result either in elation or in disappointment. I know this. So, why do I want to hasten this process only to find myself in yet another situation where I will most likely face the same either/or alternative? Rushing through life isn’t going to make me any happier long-term.
Happiness, I realize, comes in moments where you truly just let go of trying. You can plan all you want. But if all you do is plan, you’ll always be envisioning the next big thing and miss out on what’s right in front of you. After a certain time, you have to let go of the planning. And just wait.
Sometimes, even in those seemingly excruciating periods of waiting, you can find moments of bliss and joy. In fact, I’m coming to think that that is exactly what you have to do.
If I’m wrong, well hey, at least I got a blog post out of this interminable waiting period! :)
* P.S. If you’re wondering about the title of this post, I invite you to the soothing sounds of Thomas & Friends. For non-Baajoonoos, allow me to explain: I’ve always loved Thomas (fun fact: even in adulthood I romanticize over steam engines) and luckily have nephews, with whom at one time mutually shared this love. My youngest nephew was particularly fond of Thomas when he was younger. So much so that my brother-in-law just had to tease him about it. His attempt to sing like a 5-year-old British kid is indelibly etched in my memory. It’s one of those moments of “you just had to be there.”