The sting of rejection

The thing about receiving upsetting news is that after wiping away a day full of tears, my little grey cells begin to start working again. In my case, I have inspiration to write!

So if anything, rejection can fuel creativity (well, my version of it anyway).

As you can surmise, I got my third rejection yesterday. The thing that hurt me especially is that I was denied even a review. I thought I had a pretty good chance, especially since I was encouraged by a bigwig. But as my husband consoled me yesterday (along with chocolate cake! He’s a keeper, folks): it doesn’t matter if Bill Gates wants you, if God doesn’t want something for you, it ain’t going to happen.

It wasn’t a good fit for me. I know. But I had convinced myself this would be good for me. Oh, and the title!

I have this problem of getting attached to things, even things that I originally didn’t care for.

This incident reminds me of my first real marriage “proposal” over four (five?) years ago. Let’s just call him Hendra (my sister’s nickname for the dude). When I saw Hendra’s photo for the first time, I was like, “Ew, no! I ain’t that desperate!” But my dad “convinced” me to give him a chance because he had all the trappings – a good education, good family (whatever that means – how can you tell a family is good? I still don’t know), he was Hyderabadi. We talked on the phone and he seemed cool. I later found out that he had a patent and ran marathons. I was impressed. By the time he and has family came over to visit us (all the way from Texas), I was convinced this was the man I was going to marry. A guy who was once “ugh” had become “cute” and I was sure that I would even find him handsome one day.

But when we talked during that visit, we didn’t gel. He knew it immediately. I should have taken the hint with his comment of The Lord of the Rings being boring that this dude SUCKS BALLS (I am a married woman, I can say that now, okay?). But I was so impressed by all the cool things he’d done that I was willing to shortchange myself. He, on the other hand, was not impressed by me at all apparently, still working as a secretary at an Islamic School at the time.

Three days later, we got the call. No. We are not going to proceed.

I was heart-broken.

I am not upset things didn’t work out with Hendra. When I met my husband eventually, I was my crazy Rafia self and he wanted to marry me because of it. Also, he buys me chocolate cake! I am so glad however that Hendra knew himself well enough to know that we wouldn’t be happy together. We wouldn’t have been. Still, thinking of how I broke down in the parking lot the next day, as I was getting ready for work, gives me a little throb in my throat to this day.

And that happened again yesterday. I’m not sad about not getting either of these things. But I am sad about how easily attached I become to things. It’s kinda pathetic, really.

But I am going to keep on telling myself that I will get an opportunity that allows me to do what I love and be myself. I just gotta be patient and not give up. God created me and He wants the best for me. I know He will take care of me, as He has done time and time again. And maybe I’m already living that opportunity. But am I too blinded by the trappings of society to not see it?

 

19 thoughts on “The sting of rejection”

  1. Society plays a massive part in telling us constantly how we’re SUPPOSED to feel but it’s also sometimes our family or the ones closest to us, who have alot of expectations from us – and if they’re disappointed, we feel it too – even though we had the common sense from the start that things would probably go south. I sometimes wish they’d measure their own expectations better. (Did I go off on a tangent?) I hope you find some solace in the fact that I am inspired by your story :)

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    1. No, you are perfectly on point, Naureen! Unfortunately, as I try to be a dutiful daughter/wife/etc., I don’t always get to listen to my heart. But Alhamdulillah, Allah (swt) does save us from our mistakes (even if they aren’t our personal mistakes), I’ve often found. Awww, thank you Naureen! I’m glad you’re inspired by my story, although I’m not quite sure how!

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  2. I thought my friend and I were the only ones who nicknamed guys like you and your sister, haha. Chocolate cake to you is what brownies are to me. I absolutely 100% cannot resist brownies! Your hubs is pretty decent ma shaa Allah, lol! Things will work out for us both girl, no doubt in that in shaa Allah ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You should hear some of the other nicknames I’ve given!!!! I had a brownie too yesterday *blushes*. It’s called a Mind Control Brownie and it’s so aptly named. Chocolate chip cookie base, crushed Reese’s and Oreo’s with a brownie top! I like brownies too, but not a fan of the walnuts they usually have. Insha’Allah, they will work out for us both. In the meantime, BROWNIES!!!!!

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      1. Oh lord, I wish you hadn’t told me about that Mind Control Brownie.

        Well no, I’m actually quite glad you did. Off to wreck my teeth! :D

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hang in there sister. Things have a way of working themselves out, and sometimes you might even end up on a path you’ve never even thought of. Pray Istikhara and ask Allah (swt) to help you find the best path for you. I’ll be cheering you on though, you can count on that :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, dear! I’ve done istikharah for when I’m having difficulty making a decision. But can I do it for not having any clue? In my understanding the wording of the dua would be changed slightly. But in either case, asking Allah (swt) to show me the way is what is really at the heart of the matter! :)

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  4. It is very difficult when we mere mortals are forced to wait and receive what we need, rather than what we want. But I’m glad that you seem to be taking things in stride and having faith in … faith, as it were :D.

    I thought this quotation seemed rather angsty and appropriate; which, as you know, is one of my favourite states of being:

    Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
    ~ Oscar Wilde

    p.s. I tried to hold off on commenting on the LotR thing but my control is straining, haha. Someone who thinks LotR is boring is someone I don’t see myself having a lot in common with. (To put it very politely …..)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm, interesting quote! I wonder in what context he wrote/said that. It makes me gloomy thinking of what he might have meant.

      About the LotR comment, it’s true! In my opinion, it says a lot about the person. Most people when they give it a genuine shot, will come to like it. But even refusing to give it a chance is very telling!

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