I’m finally the girl I used to wish I could be

It’s been a rainy weekend.

Rain, I know, is essential for living. Not just for you and for me, but for the cows… and I guess, for all the other non-cow beings in the world. But without rain, there would be no cows! And without cows, well, this blog would not exist and neither would a part of me.

But perhaps because of the rain, what otherwise would have no effect on me compelled me to seek a change in scenery.

And where did I go? The library.

Ah, the library. The one place in the world I wish I felt at home at – but never did. Until now, that is.

In the past, the library was simply the place I went to to study until my next class started or bide my time because I didn’t have any friends. It was a place of refuge, but I did not seek it for all the hidden treasures it contained.

I never was a “book nerd” in the typical sense. My sister was and still remains The Reader in the family. It would be a miracle if I could find a novel I liked and actually get around to finish it. The perennial “What’s your favorite book?” used to make me sweat bucket fulls. I never had a ready answer. But I also wasn’t comfortable with admitting that I don’t read. I’d say something like, “I’m so busy with school, all I read are textbooks! Grrr!” when in reality, school was just a convenient excuse.

As an nonathletic, chubby nerd(ish) girl, reading should have been my favorite past-time. But it wasn’t. Why wasn’t it? It was a fact about myself that I was deeply ashamed of. So ashamed, I haven’t been able to admit it until now.

Over the past few months though I’ve discovered that it was not reading fiction that I disliked, I just hadn’t discovered the genre I like. Eureka!

When I was younger, I felt that I had to read literature that was tortuous – the classics – you know, because that’s what smart people do. It sounds silly now. I’m not proud of this fact. But today, I’m okay with admitting I’d much rather watch the musical Man of La Mancha then read Miguel de Cervantes’s Don Quixote. There! I said it!

These past few months living in a new city, so far away from what I’ve known as home, have given me an incredible opportunity to discover who I really am, deep down inside, at this particular stage in my life. I began to blog again. And that sparked an interest to write more widely. At the same time, I began to search for ideas in other writers – in books. Sometimes, it’s reading a fictional account of a life so different from your own that gives you the directive for an area in your life you had been neglecting. How does that work? I don’t know. I love it. I’m hooked.

Now I know why having fun isn’t hard when you got a library card! And when I tell everyone my favourite Disney Princess is Belle, I don’t have to attempt to justify my response.

I LOVE TO READ! I can finally say it with pride.

13 thoughts on “I’m finally the girl I used to wish I could be

  1. Talking about torture devices disguised as books, In Search Of Lost Time by Marcel Proust should be declared cruel and unusual punishment. It is the only book I can never read past the first chapter. Just thinking about it spikes my blood pressure actually. So boring, so long, so tedious, so bourgeois, sooo French…UUUGGGHH!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I would never attempt to read anything by Proust! Watching Steve Carrell’s character in “Little Miss Sunshine” is all the Proust I’ll ever need! ;) Your comment reminds me of my attempt to read “The Scarlet Letter.” Have you read it? Do you like it?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My english teacher in grade 11 kept raving about it, so I decided to give it a try. Let’s just say reading it once was enough for me. I just don’t get the hoopla about it. I’m guessing puritan sensibilities are just not my forte :)

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  4. I don’t quite remember what prompted me to pick it up, perhaps the length? Haha! Puritan sensibilities like Victorian ones actually fascinate me. It’s rather frightening however to track the trajectory of Western society and how low we’ve become. Yikes!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love how changes in our lives force an introspection of ourselves. Maybe that’s the catalyst for personal growth. :) & Oh my gosh, I actually never knew you weren’t a reader in the traditional sense! I now understand the singing (and acting?) part of you a whole lot better ;) have you ever had any school stage experience or anything, btw?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it might be! No one ever is motivated to improve when life is going swell, or seems it is. Haha. I feel like such a fraud. But it feels good to come clean. Not much acting experience, I never was any good. Stage fright always got in the way. Oddly enough, I’ve sung on stage plenty of times, despite my stage fright, because I really do love singing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re not a fraud, silly! So what if you didn’t fit into the stereotype? It’s okay to be an unapologetic nerd + singer + writer + baker + lover of cows and whatever else your heart desires! Go forth, sister. DO YOU. *solemn tone* Hehe. :3

    Liked by 2 people

  8. :-) This post just made me think of what I have become – I took up Lit for graduation for the love of books and now (after a decade) I avoid books of all genre fearing it is gonna suck me into it while in reality I can’t pause the life until I am done right? Priorities. lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Awww, man! I can totally relate. That’s they reason why I couldn’t get into books until now, because school was literally my entire life. Even now though, I feel incredibly guilt for reading for pleasure. So I do it late in the evening while the hub watched TV. Why are we our own worst enemies?


  10. OMG! You too? This is awesome! Arthur by far is my all-time favourite show. I started watching it when I was just a year older than him. Now I am 22 years older. I like to consider myself an old-school fan.

    Liked by 1 person

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