Being vulnerable doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many times we confront our fears, or are forced to.
Perhaps I feel this way because I am still new to the world of putting myself “out there.”
As I’ve written before, I didn’t grow up in a household where achievements were blasted to the entire neighborhood, although I grew up surrounded by people who did. My parents were certainly very intentional about this decision; and although I do believe it meant that I would get a late start on developing confidence, it kept my ego in check. For the most part, anyway.
I wish I could be both confident and humble. But it’s a delicate balance I think most earnest people will find themselves struggling with and through their entire lives.
How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? How do you keep your ego in check in a world that is fueled by bombast?
I know I overthink almost everything, but I do think that most people don’t think enough (and I’m not talking about the political situation here in the States, but yeah, that applies too).
Ah, the life of contemplation. In an ideal world, I would love to spend my days writing treatises on simple-yet-complex ideas and concepts we take for granted (it’s that pseudo-academic in me that will never die), but I find myself propelled into the kind of world that the theoretical me hates. The world of instant gratification. This need to be affirmed. But this affirmation for the most part only serves to boost my ego. And then I am left with guilt and uncertainty.
I’m not saying we should deny ourselves all the pleasures of this world (I love cake too much), but once you give in, is there any end to it (other than death, of course)?
But I suppose these are just my fears getting ahead of me yet again? In the past, I’ve never been one to wage battle with my fears. They were the demons that kept me in check. But what was the cost? A life very much fettered.
No. Vulnerability is a necessary component of growth. But there never was any guarantee that it would be easy.