Where does this desire – nay, compulsion – for constant renewal come from?
Why do I have all this energy to start projects, but then lose interest after a few months or even days?
Is this my fate, is it in my disposition to start this, start that, take on this, take on that – but then feel so inundated by everything that the only solution is to retreat from it all?
I used to think I was afraid of commitment.
I’ve changed my mind about so many things.
What career I wanted.
The type of man I wanted to marry.
The kind of woman I want to be.
As to the first, I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do – but then again, I thought the same all those other times, as well.
As to the second, I got what I wanted for the most part (yay), but also got what I needed (which is not always fun, let me tell ya).
As to the third, it’s constantly in flux.
Right now, the kind of woman I’d like to be is the kind of woman who NEVER has headaches.
Perhaps the source of this deluge is not all those things, but me.