Rarely do I come up with a title for a post before writing its content.
However, reflecting upon this week, really since coming back from Hajj, and in thinking about what I wanted to blog about for my weekly Saturday blog post, I noticed that there has been a theme in my life.
Not that I have it all together since coming back from Hajj. That would be imbuing a sense of much-desired-for etherealness to my life that does not reflect reality.
Rather, it’s been a conscious effort on my part to pick up on the good things that I left off or stopped doing entirely. Small things like reading Surah Yasin after fajr (which I had stopped doing a while ago), cooking (at least once a week… attempting to anyway), running, writing for publication.
But it’s not been easy coming back to these things. Rather, I am reminded that I was never all that great at these things to begin with.
Today’s run, while I thought it would be easy since I went out right after Fajr, I realized within the first 1/2 mile that I wouldn’t just automatically be able to sprint all the way through. I guess I wanted to think that after performing Hajj, I’d be magically transformed into a sprite. But oh no, I’m still Rafia.
And although it was great for my post-Hajj reflection to be published on AltMuslim, which you can read here, without social media that allows you to less awkwardly share your work with everyone you’re “friends” with, I didn’t get the same high as I did when I started writing for The Tempest over two years ago. Also, there’s a freedom that comes with blogging (i.e. having the final say on what’s published and when it’s published) that I really do cherish.
And cooking… well, let’s not get into that one.
But I am reminded that if I want to get better at these things – running, writing, my ibadat, and yes, even cooking, I have to continue to do them… even if it seems like I’m not progressing in the way that I would like.
I don’t want to overwhelm myself. Consistency is better than pushing myself to my limit. Maybe making ambitious goals in a short-time frame serves as a motivator for other people, but I know because of my tendency to sink back into the Failure Mindset, I have to be patient with myself.
A routine that is consistent, in my opinion, is better than giving up after perceived failures.
With the cooking anyway, as long as there’s hot sauce for Mr. Rafia, I think I’ll be okay :)