I just got back from a 10-day trip to Turkey two days ago. Ramadan will begin this evening for us (we follow the calculations where I live).
I am ready, even though I have not done anything to prepare for it. I never do, to be honest. But I do feel differently than I did last year. I am less nervous about the long, hot days. I made it through last year and Insha’Allah, I will make it through this year.
It feels weird to be back. There was a time when I wanted to be back home and now that I am, I wish I could go back. So, it’s good that Ramadan is about to begin. The sense of purposeless that I felt early this morning dissipates when I think about why really I was put on this earth. Ramadan is a time to come back to that essential question.
It ain’t fun.
It ain’t easy.
But it is just what I need.
Feeling disoriented for a time can make one feel as if there’s no end in sight. But then, you have an opening, a vision, or simply a dream that distills an idea you haven’t had the heart to really consider in its full depth. In that moment, you know what needs to be done, even if that means letting go of your worldly desires or ambitions.
I’m recalling multiple things right now – past and present – as I write this, but they all have a similar provenance.
This post is short and not quite the one I had envisioned writing as my first post “back,” but this is how I feel right now.
Planning a vacation right before Ramadan in some ways may not have been a very wise idea, but now that I am back, my heart feels that it was.