One of the things that really crystallized for me in terms of personal development happened during those painful final ten days of Ramadan. Perhaps I needed to go through that pain in order to get to that self-realization.
I believe everything in life is a lesson. I don’t believe in chance. I do believe that people make stupid decisions sometimes, but those can also be opportunities to learn, if only we see them as such.
I took a big step a few minutes ago. A big step for me is but a pebble for some, but we all have to meet ourselves where we are currently at. I had thought about doing this for a while. But for some reason or another, I couldn’t get myself to do it. Was I even sure that I wanted this? Was it the right time? Would I get the response I sought? Would I even get a response? I may not. But at least I took the first time step in asking.
Sometimes, things seem too good to be true. Sometimes they are. But sometimes, you gotta trust what people say and not doubt yourself. I am a master of self-doubt. Not only does this affect how I relate to myself and others, but it also affects my relationship to my Creator. It needs to stop. What is the opposite of theodicy? Is there a word for it? Because it seems I spend a lot of time doubting the good. Why do I do that? Something needs to change.
I don’t know what’s in store for me in the next few months or years. Heck, I don’t know if I will even be alive tomorrow or minutes from now. But as long as I am still alive, I can’t continue to doubt myself at every turn. I believe that God wants good for all of His creation – and that includes me, too. In order for that to really settle into my heart, I have to start with believing in myself more.